I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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