she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I forget how to act sober
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
