I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
