C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
