i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
