I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
