lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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