Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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