Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
