did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
