Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
