marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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