I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
