Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
