i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
