You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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