Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
