I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
