I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
