i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
