Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
