We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
