Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
