How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize