Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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