is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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