Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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