I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
