margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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