I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
