I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize