I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
