My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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