what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
