I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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