My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
