So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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