I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
