I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize