She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
