i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
