What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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