If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
