great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize