I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I didn't shave. On purpose
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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