omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
