so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
