We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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