Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
