They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize