I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
