it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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