Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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