It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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