and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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