I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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