i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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