I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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