I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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