Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
