Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Pooping to opera.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize