She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
