He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
