you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Welp...herpes.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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