I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
