I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
