if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
