sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
