Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
