I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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