I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
