puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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