I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
