I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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