sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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