It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize