I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
