One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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