I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
