why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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