paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
