I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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