you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
