I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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