my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
