dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
