I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize