One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
