we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
