I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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