somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We are all done wearing pants today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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