Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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