Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
