The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
