You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
