I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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