White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
