Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
