That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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