Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
