Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
FUCK WHALES
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
