If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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