I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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