I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
