where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
