Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
