i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Still dying that you shit outside
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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